Some days it’s easy, some days it’s messy, and other days it seems like it barely happens at all. From the time I awaken in the morning, to the time I go to bed at night, my expectations of what the day is going to be like seldom match how those days turn out, especially on those days when I’m following Jesus. I used the phrase, “oops, there He is” to describe how some of my days have turned out lately, and was challenged to blog about it. It was one of those half-way sincere challenges, but it made me stop and think about why I said it.
I had a really good week a few weeks ago. I woke up at 4:00a.m. one morning, worrying about the challenges that day was going to bring, just knowing that at some point someone was going to be upset with me; it wasn’t a question of “if,” it was a question of “when” and “how many?” So I did the only thing I knew how to do, I prayed about it. I asked God to take control of the day, subconsciously believing that, if it went as badly as I thought it might, I could blame Him, rather than myself. By 10:30 a.m., I was surprised to realize that the inevitable had not yet happened, by afternoon I was downright hopeful, and by 9:30 that evening thoroughly amazed at how well the day had gone.
So I invited God to take charge of the next few days as well. I couldn’t believe how the burden of stress was lifted as I became accustomed to not being in charge (like I ever was anyway). I stopped anticipating and started to live in the moment. One afternoon we were out in the boat and I started to worry about how we were going to get it back into the slip since it was a breezy day, we needed to be stern in (like backing in, in a car), and the harbor was crowded. I sensed immediately that worry was not going to help and, “oops, there He was,” reminding me that I wasn’t in charge and to enjoy the afternoon on the water. As we approached the harbor, Ron also voiced his worry so we talked about it. We came up with a concise plan as to who would do what when we got there. We pulled into that slip like pros.
But one of the biggest admissions that week was realizing my powerlessness over the weather. Since it was Venetian Festival time in Charlevoix, and we spent a lot of time outdoors, I started in on my “weather-fretting.” Watching the seven-day forecast (never correct in Northern Michigan), looking at the sky, followed by complaining and grumbling; that would be my normal routine, but “oops, there He was” again, telling me that, if my happiness depended on the weather, I would be unhappy about two thirds of my life.
I started to catch on to the idea that I wasn’t responsible for other people’s behavior, only my own. We were watching one of the many concerts in the park, and there were people behind us complaining (just loudly enough so we could hear them) about our chairs being too tall. After my son Tony politely yet firmly had some “words” with them, I was able to turn around, look them in the eye, and offer to negotiate our place on the lawn for theirs.
So . . . after one serendipitous week, you’d think I would have learned something. Well, you know how that goes. You start to think you’re pretty clever for letting God be in charge, and that puts you right back to square one. I’m not sure I’ll ever quite get it. It’s not that I don’t want Him in charge, but often He’s my second choice because I still think I’m the better choice.
Like the other day I was in a crowded doughnut shop, trying to figure out what kind of doughnut I wanted. I was already upset because all of the cream-filled ones were gone and I watched as everything I picked was sucked up by the people (mostly tourists making random selections) in front of me. I wanted to complain loudly to Ron, or at best let out a huge annoyed sigh, but “oops, there He was.” Jesus stopped me in my tracks and asked me if I really needed to stress out over a doughnut.
I think it’s scary sometimes to follow Jesus. The advantages of letting Him take charge of situations that I could potentially mess up, are huge. But there are times where He puts me in situations that I don’t wish to be in—messy, challenging and sometimes discouraging. I’ve got stories about that too, but I’ll save them.
For now, I’m going to keep extending that invitation to Him, and watch what He does. And when He gives me that lemon-filled doughnut instead of the cream-filled one, well I guess I’m going to have to eat it.
No comments :
Post a Comment